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I Am an Adult and I Feel That I Am Being Bullied - Am I Overreacting?

I Am an Adult and I Feel That I Am Being Bullied - Am I Overreacting?

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Children being bullied is covered regularly in the media, with ways of helping intercept or deal with this problem being outlined. Various initiatives are introduced fairly frequently as ways of trying to provide these children with outlets and opportunities to communicate with others and improve their confidence levels. This is extremely important as children can end up feeling isolated and unlovable in these situations. It is vital that they get the support and help that they need to cope and recover from their experience.

Adults too can experience being sidelined or bullied. Cases occur at home, in the workplace, in care homes, anywhere where one person can be singled out by another and systematically undermined and humiliated. Sometimes a bully will pick out a weaker person, a newcomer, or someone who appears to be different in some way. A victim in this type of situation may well feel a little vulnerable or unsure of their ground to start with. Bullying will usually start as a slow process of undermining or overloading the intended victim.

Often it may be subtle, almost intangible messages. A look, a tone of voice, an unnecessary criticism. All these are ways of one person trying to gradually dominate another. This can be difficult to pinpoint, especially if the bully has a superior position or status. The victim may feel nervous or uneasy about confronting the behaviour as they may not want to appear over sensitive or difficult.

Sometimes a bully may feel threatened or undermined by a person who appears to be very confident or more clever and experienced than they are. This can result in sarcastic or undermining comments and criticism. So that the bully is constantly looking out for ways to find fault and so re establish their own status in the hierarchy.

The truth is that none of us can change another persons behaviour by just wishing for it to happen. First of all we need to address our own responses to it. Eleanor Roosevelt reportedly said that 'we teach others how to treat us'. This is certainly food for thought as it means that our body language, words and actions are giving other people information about us and what we are prepared to tolerate and endure. Think of an anxious mother and how her child often becomes anxious or badly behaved too. The child is picking up on the mothers' mood and models it back. If the mother starts to behave calmer and more relaxed, the child will also become calmer and better behaved.

In life, everyone needs to have a 'bottom line' , a time when they say 'enough' in certain situations . For some people it might be when the bully starts on another person, or when children or animals are mistreated. I had a client who had had many bones broken by her husband, but stayed with him until he started mistreating her animals. Then she left him. We all need to establish a sense of respect for ourselves and how we deserve to be treated. If that does not happen we need to learn about it being okay to walk away.

Learning to recognise what signals we are giving off and becoming more clear about what is acceptable treatment from others is crucial. This often links in with self esteem and improved confidence levels. Also becoming more aware of how the other people in that environment behave and react. How are they treated. Is there a difference from our treatment and if so, how and in what way? Understanding the environment that we are now choosing to live or work in and appreciating the need to sometimes make allowances for that, or learning to laugh things off, or completely ignore them, or maybe make a loud rejoinder like 'stop bullying me' can sometimes make a big difference to how we are treated in future and how we actually feel about the situation. Doing this can change the dynamics, change the perspective for other people and for ourselves. However these responses often need courage and determination. Finding an ally can help.

Secondly, if a situation escalates, it is important to monitor the bullys' behaviour. This involves keeping a private log of all the instances of bullying, complete with date, time and what happened. This, in a work environment, is vital evidence for management or Human Resources to use in a disciplinary hearing. In a domestic or care facility environment, it is vital evidence for the authorities, which they can use to take further action.

Having outside interests can often help a person build their confidence levels. Having friends, other hobbies, things that we do well in other areas of our life, can boost self esteem and help us appreciate that one persons point of view is their problem, not ours.

Perhaps even start to look at other options. Might this be a cue to find another job, leave that relationship, start afresh. Look at what needs to happen to enable the changes to occur. Once these options are identified they may not be as overwhelming as first thought. Counselling can often help with this process, of getting the power and self belief back in your life.

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For more information and help visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Article Source: https://EzineArticles.com/expert/Susan_Leigh/399535

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3077946


Susan Leigh

I am a lifestyle therapist and expert in hypnotherapy, and personal counseling. I am also registered with the Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council (CNHC) and a member of the College of Medicine. A frequent media contributor and writer of 3 books ('Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact', '101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday' and 'Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain', all on Amazon & with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life.)

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