Everyone’s relationship is different, as each person has their own wants and needs. Your partner and you will decide how your individual relationship will look and feel. It will be what is important and normal for the both of you, that will establish your normal. Every relationship will and should be defined on its own merit. It is your relationship, your marriage, and the right way, is what you and your partner agree upon.

But where it can go hay wire is when you and your partner disagree and are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. As a relationship matures it changes, and if you are not willing to compromise or be flexible with the other person, this is where problems can arise.

Relationship’s ebb and flow, as we grow, and they can manifest into something beautiful, or they can start to fray at the edges and fall apart…

Are You Seeing Red Flags?

Is your relationship feeling off, are you having those thoughts that the other person is?

• Not listening
• Lacking affection and intimacy with you
• Finding excuses to not spending time together
• Saying “we use to”
• Communicating less and less

Those are definite red flags, and you should take heed that your relationship needs immediate attention. Do not ignore the flags… when you put your head in the sand, and go into denial, it will never solve the problem. You need to acknowledge it, to begin fixing it.

When to Call It Quits

If you have tried everything, confronted the issues head on, including counseling, it may be time to call it quits. Once the glass is shattered, it is difficult to put the pieces back together, but conveying that to your partner is never easy. The best way to go into the conversation is choosing not to fuel your partner, by not throwing harsh words or throwing blame. If you can keep your cool, (even if they get angry) by talking in a calm, and non-threating way, you will find that both parties eventually could become friends, which is not only healthy, but could be the best outcome for all involved.

Moving On

All break ups are hard, even when a breakup is amicable, they are never mentally easy. Expect the emotions of grief to set in. It is ok to feel anger and depression, as we tend to feel like “I failed,” instead of thinking, “what lessons did I learn?”

But you will pull through, and life will go on. Start looking at life from a growth perspective and allow yourself to become open to change. You will see a better you begin to emerge. In turn, you will find by growing and learning to love yourself, you will create deeper and more loving relationships moving forward.

As a coach, who’s lived through divorce, trauma and so much more, I understand how to ignite your inner confidence again, so you can begin living your best life. It is learning and understanding how to embrace what is to come, and not what could have been. (https://www.patricialove.com/coaching/)

Breaking up is not the end of life, in fact when you change your thoughts; it can be a fabulous new beginning. Welcome this change by not fighting your feelings, but feeling them, then remind yourself, that you are deserving of all good things, and that you have a brilliant future ahead of you.

But to help make the transition just a bit easier, work on these steps daily while healing:

• Talking about it is healthy
• Do not fall into the blame game
• Distance yourself from your ex to heal
• Learn more about yourself, be intentional about building back your confidence, and ask yourself what past behaviors you can acknowledge to create new change
• Focus on yourself, do something nice for you
• Give yourself some grace, you are human

Final Thoughts

All relationships involve compromise, there will be give and take, and there will be times when someone will give more than the other. So, the key word in any successful relationship is communication. Without it, any relationship will break down. Take what you have learned in the past and see how you can better yourself for the future.

Life is about growing, shifting, and embracing change. It is being open to new possibilities, new relationships, and new adventures. It is getting out of your own way, stepping out of your comfort zone, and encountering fresh experiences, new ideas and finding a sense of purpose. Life is “lessons learned becoming wisdom earned.”

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