A deal breaker was committed in the eyes of one of them.
They fell out of love or grew apart over time and stopped wanting the same things.
My First/Practice Marriage
My first marriage ended due to my not only choosing the wrong mate but also getting married for the wrong reasons. We were incompatible.I was 32 at the time of my wedding and was getting tired of the single dating scene. I also had grown weary of being accused of fearing commitment.
It wasn't a case of me feeling as if I met my soulmate and couldn't imagine myself living without her. It was more about timing and a practical decision on my part. We both had decent jobs and no children. I believed we could build a good life together.
Our differences weren't viewed as red flags or power struggles during the relationship but rather issues I believed we could compromise on. I was wrong about that. She not only wanted help with household chores which I was willing to do but things had to be done in her ways.
When I suggested dividing the house up whereby one of us took care of upstairs and the other handled downstairs she bulked at that idea. If I made the bed she would remake it, towels had to be folded a certain way, and the only way she believed to get a toilet bowl clean is by swishing a bleached soak rag by hand.
Who knew I had been wrong about so many things during my first 32 years of life?
This led to passive aggressive actions on my part and eventually not doing much of anything around the house. The parent/child dynamic was also asexual turnoff for me.
Once while we were dating I drank a glass of soda and went to use the restroom. When I returned she had washed and put away the glass! (That should have been a clue.
However our biggest incompatibility issue was over managing finances. She was more of a spender and I was more of a saver. Since all of our bank accounts were jointly held during our marriage it sometimes made me resentful of some of the purchases she made with our money.
Nevertheless we were making ends meet and not having to do without. I continued to let her be in charge of the household budget and paying the monthly bills.
During our second year of marriage there was a major economic recession and both of us were laid off from our respective aerospace jobs.
After close to a year of being unemployed and using up our credit lines to pay our bills we ended up filing bankruptcy to get a clean slate. We were able to hold onto our town home and we both got new jobs. A few banking institutions solicited us to get credit cards to help rebuild our credit.
A couple of years later one day out of the blue I opened up some of our bills and to my astonishment we were thousands of dollars in debt.That evening I suggested we have separate bank accounts and divide our common bills in half with each person covering their own personal purchases.
She screamed in my face: I am not going to live like that! I moved my things into the guest bedroom and we started heading towards divorce. I moved out of the house about a month after our fifth wedding anniversary.
There is no amount of communication or work which can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
The goal is to have soulmate not a cellmate. No one is stuck with anyone. Suffering is optional.
Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
When it comes to dating and relationships most of us fail our way to success. Very few people hit a homerun their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time up at bat. If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!
With each failed relationship, heartache, or betrayal we are presented with an opportunity to either craft or refine our mate selection screening process and must haves list for choosing our next mate. There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine. Ideally you want to find someone who already is what you want in a mate.
Read my book: My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)" >" >